[He stands there, packing the snow into a little ball in his hands. Slow, though. He’s paying less attention to what he’s doing and looking through it.]
Five or six, [he says distantly.] We went to school together until Jenny came and took him away.
[A frown appears on his face while he straightens out his clothes.]
Thursday. While we were in the planetarium. [They had a great curfew.] It's... [He looks disgruntled, but above all that, maybe a bit sad.]
Ryo said he loved me. But... he kept calling us friends, or best friends. So... I didn't think anything of it because... Ryo is... different. Complicated. I just thought... we're friends. I thought it's what he wanted.
But he saw me and Kaoru at the party, and he was mad. He made me accept or reject his confession, and then I got mad because... because it felt like I didn't have time to think about it now that I knew, that he was forcing me to be the bad guy. And I got angry when I said it, and I told him a lot of stuff I didn't explain well.
Then we argued again yesterday about it. And now we're... weird. It's weird. And annoying. And frustrating.
[oh boy. well, okay, she isn't equipped at ALL to deal with this because the last person you want to talk to about romance struggles is gideon nav, but she did ask, and so she's going to try.
she frowns, also.]
Well. [she tilts her head, as she crouches down in the snow to start pulling together a ball of it. like for a snowman. it's just something to do while they talk.] Are you into Kaoru? Are you into Ryo?
[Hilariously, he is probably as stupid as she is in this regard.]
I didn't realize Kaoru liked me until the party.
[He'll just say it even if it makes him look like a fucking idiot here.]
I... don't know. Ryo... We... [He growls gently, frustrated.] Ryo betrayed me. He hurt me. But he's... I never wanted to not be his best friend. I never tried to look at it any other way because I didn't realize. I care about him... We've been together almost all our lives.
But he's not staying. He's going back because he wants to kill God, he thinks... God is the problem. So what's the point in doing anything with me? It's not going to be me here with him when he goes back.
...Kaoru gives me what I didn't realize I was missing from Ryo. I don't have to dig the feelings out of him, or question if they're there. He wants me to do things for myself, not try to do them for him.
[no, he's valid. gideon didn't realize harrow liked her until harrow kissed her.]
No, don't apologize. [there's a long pause, as she thinks about that.] I think you've got your answer, even if it sucks.
[...] Harrow told me the other day she doesn't want to be my anchor - in the way that she'd be dragging me to the bottom of the ocean to drown, right? But I told her she isn't an anchor in that way. She keeps me from washing out to the sea.
I don't want you to stay here. But I do want you to be happy, and fucking frankly, I want you to do what Kaoru wants you to do. [she reaches over to him, tapping the side of his face.] You know Waters made me promise the same thing? That I'd try to live, while I was here.
So I guess what makes you feel alive is the right answer. Whatever makes you wish you weren't dead.
[He stands there and watches Gideon, the tension seeping away from his expression and his face.
The tapping finger is cold, but he doesn’t turn away because this week is awful. He’s thinking about what she’s said, and she might think she is as garbage at advice as he thinks about himself, but… it’s something.]
If I do it, if I “live,” I wouldn’t ever see Kaoru again. I talked to Satan if I could see… if they could have my chance instead. They have a world, family, friends. They miss them. No demons, no Ryo.
But it wouldn’t work. I tried to see if Satan would let me create a new world for the humans too… but be couldn’t. He even said… he’d have to look into going to another world. He didn’t know if it was possible.
I don’t really have a use for a second chance… Sorry, Gideon. No matter when I go back, it’ll all end the same if Ryo is there.
not like, in the face, and it's not crazy hard, but she does punch him in the chest.]
Nope. You're not going to stay here and be miserable. Lu Bixing can travel to other galaxies if he's got to. Harrow will fix it, somehow. [this is stubborn.] We'll make it possible.
[He makes a grunted noise of surprise at the hit, reaching up to rub his chest, looking bewildered.] Ow. [It doesn't sound like it hurt too terribly bad, but still.]
How are they going to fix it, Gideon...? We only get our own second chance. I mean... the demons keep saying to wait and see, so who knows.
[HE REALLY LOOKS LIKE A SCOLDED DOG HERE, HELP ME. His shoulders lift a little.]
Sorry. What if staying here is what I wanted? [He shakes his head dismissively, like he isn't being serious completely necessarily.] I just don't know if it's going to be that simple for me is all.
[He doesn’t look quite as surprised as he does guilty. He reaches out to rub a hand in her arm reassuringly.]
Let’s see what happens at the party. I’m not saying it’s my final decision. Just one… I’ve been thinking a lot about. Being a demon here might not be so bad if I don’t have options. I could help other people like us maybe.
He frowns considerably at both her look and departure. He glances down, debating whether or not he should bother, not wanting to annoy her by hanging around, but feeling bad if he just lets it go.
He wonders if he’ll ever have his own autonomy wherever he’s at. If he’ll ever be able to make his own choices for himself.
[it's a good thing he follows her, because she's already coming back out. she's got hot chocolate, and when she sees him, she hands one of the cups to him.]
I don't want to miss you. [she says, quietly.] Is all.
I'm not saying you go home, I'm trying to take you anywhere else with me, fucknuts. [she says, annoyed. she goes to flop down on a sofa somewhere.] Whatever. It doesn't matter. Do what you're going to do.
[he might get the sense that she's embarrassed...]
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[He stands there, packing the snow into a little ball in his hands. Slow, though. He’s paying less attention to what he’s doing and looking through it.]
Five or six, [he says distantly.] We went to school together until Jenny came and took him away.
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Quit brooding. [and she shoves the snow down the back of his shirt? rude]
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[He jolts, then immediately slings the snowball he had at her out of pure reflex.]
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but she's laughing like an asshole even as she goes ow, fuck.]
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He is busy doing the wiggly worm dance to try getting fastly melting ice out of his clothes. He’s too warm, it’s already becoming liquid.]
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she also does not help. she's terrible. but after a second:]
Did something happen with you two? You were getting all bummed out for a second there.
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He makes a face, about the water as he shakes the back of his clothes, and the question.]
We just… had a fight is all. I mean, we’ve been fighting since we got here, but. This one was bigger.
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Like, recently? [do you want to talk about it, is what she's asking.]
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Thursday. While we were in the planetarium. [They had a great curfew.] It's... [He looks disgruntled, but above all that, maybe a bit sad.]
Ryo said he loved me. But... he kept calling us friends, or best friends. So... I didn't think anything of it because... Ryo is... different. Complicated. I just thought... we're friends. I thought it's what he wanted.
But he saw me and Kaoru at the party, and he was mad. He made me accept or reject his confession, and then I got mad because... because it felt like I didn't have time to think about it now that I knew, that he was forcing me to be the bad guy. And I got angry when I said it, and I told him a lot of stuff I didn't explain well.
Then we argued again yesterday about it. And now we're... weird. It's weird. And annoying. And frustrating.
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she frowns, also.]
Well. [she tilts her head, as she crouches down in the snow to start pulling together a ball of it. like for a snowman. it's just something to do while they talk.] Are you into Kaoru? Are you into Ryo?
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I didn't realize Kaoru liked me until the party.
[He'll just say it even if it makes him look like a fucking idiot here.]
I... don't know. Ryo... We... [He growls gently, frustrated.] Ryo betrayed me. He hurt me. But he's... I never wanted to not be his best friend. I never tried to look at it any other way because I didn't realize. I care about him... We've been together almost all our lives.
But he's not staying. He's going back because he wants to kill God, he thinks... God is the problem. So what's the point in doing anything with me? It's not going to be me here with him when he goes back.
...Kaoru gives me what I didn't realize I was missing from Ryo. I don't have to dig the feelings out of him, or question if they're there. He wants me to do things for myself, not try to do them for him.
Sorry... I just. I'm frustrated.
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No, don't apologize. [there's a long pause, as she thinks about that.] I think you've got your answer, even if it sucks.
[...] Harrow told me the other day she doesn't want to be my anchor - in the way that she'd be dragging me to the bottom of the ocean to drown, right? But I told her she isn't an anchor in that way. She keeps me from washing out to the sea.
I don't want you to stay here. But I do want you to be happy, and fucking frankly, I want you to do what Kaoru wants you to do. [she reaches over to him, tapping the side of his face.] You know Waters made me promise the same thing? That I'd try to live, while I was here.
So I guess what makes you feel alive is the right answer. Whatever makes you wish you weren't dead.
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The tapping finger is cold, but he doesn’t turn away because this week is awful. He’s thinking about what she’s said, and she might think she is as garbage at advice as he thinks about himself, but… it’s something.]
If I do it, if I “live,” I wouldn’t ever see Kaoru again. I talked to Satan if I could see… if they could have my chance instead. They have a world, family, friends. They miss them. No demons, no Ryo.
But it wouldn’t work. I tried to see if Satan would let me create a new world for the humans too… but be couldn’t. He even said… he’d have to look into going to another world. He didn’t know if it was possible.
I don’t really have a use for a second chance… Sorry, Gideon. No matter when I go back, it’ll all end the same if Ryo is there.
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not like, in the face, and it's not crazy hard, but she does punch him in the chest.]
Nope. You're not going to stay here and be miserable. Lu Bixing can travel to other galaxies if he's got to. Harrow will fix it, somehow. [this is stubborn.] We'll make it possible.
Don't argue with me. I don't want to hear it.
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How are they going to fix it, Gideon...? We only get our own second chance. I mean... the demons keep saying to wait and see, so who knows.
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[a pause.]
You're really going to stand there and say this all to me. It's almost funny.
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Sorry. What if staying here is what I wanted? [He shakes his head dismissively, like he isn't being serious completely necessarily.] I just don't know if it's going to be that simple for me is all.
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It's like you don't get what you mean to me, which like, okay, fair, I guess I do a piss-poor job of letting everybody know I care about them.
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[He doesn’t look quite as surprised as he does guilty. He reaches out to rub a hand in her arm reassuringly.]
Let’s see what happens at the party. I’m not saying it’s my final decision. Just one… I’ve been thinking a lot about. Being a demon here might not be so bad if I don’t have options. I could help other people like us maybe.
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she looks pissed, but she doesn't say anything else. she will, however, stand up and go back inside.]
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He frowns considerably at both her look and departure. He glances down, debating whether or not he should bother, not wanting to annoy her by hanging around, but feeling bad if he just lets it go.
He wonders if he’ll ever have his own autonomy wherever he’s at. If he’ll ever be able to make his own choices for himself.
He sighs, then goes in after her.]
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I don't want to miss you. [she says, quietly.] Is all.
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He looks at the hot chocolate, then at her.
???
He’ll take it, frowning wryly.]
Wouldn’t you miss me anyway if I went home?
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[he might get the sense that she's embarrassed...]
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He follows her over to the sofa; he is a flea she can’t get rid of.]
You’re taking me back to the First? No, the… Ninth?
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