akira & gideon

[tearduct]

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[tearduct]

[Hilariously, he is probably as stupid as she is in this regard.]

I didn't realize Kaoru liked me until the party.

[He'll just say it even if it makes him look like a fucking idiot here.]

I... don't know. Ryo... We... [He growls gently, frustrated.] Ryo betrayed me. He hurt me. But he's... I never wanted to not be his best friend. I never tried to look at it any other way because I didn't realize. I care about him... We've been together almost all our lives.

But he's not staying. He's going back because he wants to kill God, he thinks... God is the problem. So what's the point in doing anything with me? It's not going to be me here with him when he goes back.

...Kaoru gives me what I didn't realize I was missing from Ryo. I don't have to dig the feelings out of him, or question if they're there. He wants me to do things for myself, not try to do them for him.

Sorry... I just. I'm frustrated.

[cavaliered]

[no, he's valid. gideon didn't realize harrow liked her until harrow kissed her.]

No, don't apologize. [there's a long pause, as she thinks about that.] I think you've got your answer, even if it sucks.

[...] Harrow told me the other day she doesn't want to be my anchor - in the way that she'd be dragging me to the bottom of the ocean to drown, right? But I told her she isn't an anchor in that way. She keeps me from washing out to the sea.

I don't want you to stay here. But I do want you to be happy, and fucking frankly, I want you to do what Kaoru wants you to do. [she reaches over to him, tapping the side of his face.] You know Waters made me promise the same thing? That I'd try to live, while I was here.

So I guess what makes you feel alive is the right answer. Whatever makes you wish you weren't dead.

[tearduct]

[He stands there and watches Gideon, the tension seeping away from his expression and his face.

The tapping finger is cold, but he doesn’t turn away because this week is awful. He’s thinking about what she’s said, and she might think she is as garbage at advice as he thinks about himself, but… it’s something.]

If I do it, if I “live,” I wouldn’t ever see Kaoru again. I talked to Satan if I could see… if they could have my chance instead. They have a world, family, friends. They miss them. No demons, no Ryo.

But it wouldn’t work. I tried to see if Satan would let me create a new world for the humans too… but be couldn’t. He even said… he’d have to look into going to another world. He didn’t know if it was possible.

I don’t really have a use for a second chance… Sorry, Gideon. No matter when I go back, it’ll all end the same if Ryo is there.

[cavaliered]

[hm. well. she punches him.

not like, in the face, and it's not crazy hard, but she does punch him in the chest.]

Nope. You're not going to stay here and be miserable. Lu Bixing can travel to other galaxies if he's got to. Harrow will fix it, somehow. [this is stubborn.] We'll make it possible.

Don't argue with me. I don't want to hear it.

[tearduct]

[He makes a grunted noise of surprise at the hit, reaching up to rub his chest, looking bewildered.] Ow. [It doesn't sound like it hurt too terribly bad, but still.]

How are they going to fix it, Gideon...? We only get our own second chance. I mean... the demons keep saying to wait and see, so who knows.

[cavaliered]

They just will. [flatly.] If even the demons are saying it, then maybe you shouldn't be so fucking sure.

[a pause.]

You're really going to stand there and say this all to me. It's almost funny.

[tearduct]

[HE REALLY LOOKS LIKE A SCOLDED DOG HERE, HELP ME. His shoulders lift a little.]

Sorry. What if staying here is what I wanted? [He shakes his head dismissively, like he isn't being serious completely necessarily.] I just don't know if it's going to be that simple for me is all.

[cavaliered]

You are asking me to leave you here. [she says, a little sharply.] In hell.

It's like you don't get what you mean to me, which like, okay, fair, I guess I do a piss-poor job of letting everybody know I care about them.

[tearduct]

Gideon…

[He doesn’t look quite as surprised as he does guilty. He reaches out to rub a hand in her arm reassuringly.]

Let’s see what happens at the party. I’m not saying it’s my final decision. Just one… I’ve been thinking a lot about. Being a demon here might not be so bad if I don’t have options. I could help other people like us maybe.

[cavaliered]

[don't use the pee icon

she looks pissed, but she doesn't say anything else. she will, however, stand up and go back inside.]

[tearduct]

[STOP

He frowns considerably at both her look and departure. He glances down, debating whether or not he should bother, not wanting to annoy her by hanging around, but feeling bad if he just lets it go.

He wonders if he’ll ever have his own autonomy wherever he’s at. If he’ll ever be able to make his own choices for himself.

He sighs, then goes in after her.]

[cavaliered]

[it's a good thing he follows her, because she's already coming back out. she's got hot chocolate, and when she sees him, she hands one of the cups to him.]

I don't want to miss you. [she says, quietly.] Is all.

[tearduct]

[Her coming out startles the fuck outta him, and he jolts out of reflex to try not running into her.

He looks at the hot chocolate, then at her.

???

He’ll take it, frowning wryly.]

Wouldn’t you miss me anyway if I went home?

[cavaliered]

I'm not saying you go home, I'm trying to take you anywhere else with me, fucknuts. [she says, annoyed. she goes to flop down on a sofa somewhere.] Whatever. It doesn't matter. Do what you're going to do.

[he might get the sense that she's embarrassed...]

[tearduct]

[Hmmmmm. He tries not to even crack a smile, but it’s hard.

He follows her over to the sofa; he is a flea she can’t get rid of.]

You’re taking me back to the First? No, the… Ninth?

[cavaliered]

[she takes a drink. if he drinks his it's absolutely spiked, also, so beware. not with a particular drink, just vodka, unless you want him to turn into a furry or something ig]

If we can go somewhere else, the plan is Bixing's world. [...] He said we could have a place to stay while we try to figure shit out.

[tearduct]

[Yea, he turns into a shibe during their convo. NO.

He will drink it, though, and kind of blink a bit at the spike. Not as bad as Midori’s though.]

You and Harrowhark are going…?

[cavaliered]

Yeah. We talked about it. [she tilts her head back.] She wants to save the Ninth still. But if we go right back - you saw it. It'd be stupid to go right back to where we died, there's no way out.

[tearduct]

[Hm. Something else makes a bit of sense now actually.]

Yeah… But how are you going to get back from Lu’s world? What if you get stuck there?

[cavaliered]

[she glances at him.]

Then we don't go back to the Ninth and don't get roped into dying there. Oh no. What a nightmare.

[tearduct]

[He frowns gently.]

Harrowhark said she wanted to save it.

[cavaliered]

[she gets - very, very angry, here.]

She wants to save it because she spent seventeen fucking years being reminded every day of her life that she's responsible for two hundred dead kids, like she asked for that, Akira.

I want her to be happy. Don't make me sound like a bad guy for trying to remind her she's more than the Reverend Daughter.

[tearduct]

I’m not saying that! [His voice pitches, but then he looks like he tries to level it back because he doesn’t wanna yell, not at her.] You’re not the bad guy.

I was just talking.

[cavaliered]

[she

exhales. slowly.]

It's. A touchy subject. [she says stiffly.]

[tearduct]

I get it.

[Both sides really, but a lot of Harrow’s side because he has unfortunately taken on the burden of humanity, and the world, and also carrying a certain someone else’s emotions like it’s somehow his job.]

You talked to Ryo about this.