[There is the very faintest edge of a very unpleasant smile. Somehow, despite the fact that he's sitting down and looking up, the energy is very much that he's looking down.]
To me, what I did was just a little experiment into human nature. But for you, it should be taken to heart as an important lesson.
[HE REALLY DID JUST THROW AKIRA UNDER THE BUS SPECIFICALLY TO MAKE THIS POINT. Anyway he just. Is still smiling! It's still very unpleasant! Honestly he probably even makes the same expressions Ryo does and i hate that personally]
And yet, you made your decision. It's not a surprising one to me, of course! Humans will be humans no matter where you go.
[STOP SMILING. Nooooo. He feels worthless. He feels like a WORM.]
I wish you hadn't hurt Chandra, but... you're still... You're still my friend. [COULD THEY EVEN BE FRIENDS? Scaramouche was never in the room. It's fine.] And if there's a way to somehow get you a second chance...
[THIS IS SO SAD AKIRA REALLY DID NOT DESERVE ANY OF THIS.]
Second chances don't happen, and I would kill Chandra again, so don't think me an ounce apologetic or "worthy" of anything so ridiculous.
[He will stand up from his spot on the floor, though! And move over to the bars separating the two of them. Wordlessly, he'll slip his hand through the bar, holding it out toward Akira, palm up.]
[His eyes drop to the hand as it comes out of the bars. He does hesitate. He isn't really worried about being hurt--physically. Slowly, he moves to the bars.
Like before, he isn't sure if Scaramouche wants him to touch, so he simply files in reach of the hand, letting it come against one arm.]
[HE REALLY IS JUST LETTING SCARAMOUCHE TOUCH HIM AGAIN AFTER HE BIT HIM LIKE A FERAL INSANE RACCOON NOT TOO LONG AGO. He will let his hand rest against Akira's arm, though! Like his hair, his skin is soft to the touch - a bit unnaturally so, but only if you know to expect something unnatural.]
I find Chandra very tolerable.
[But he is a fickle creature of fickle whims and insane logic, as you do.]
[Don't just say Chandra was very tolerable after murdering him... He hates it here... And yes, he stands right there even after Scaramouche bit him like a rabid opossum with eyes shining in the darkness.
He hates noticing the skin after being forced to feel the hair.]
I'm not going to tomorrow. I don't want to do that to you.
[STOP TALKING. Oh, he hates it here. The words sting, and his jaw clenches. But his lips frown. AKIRA IS ALREADY DEAD, WHY IS HE STILL PULLING THE TRIGGER???]
[HE REALLY IS TRYING TO BE NICE AND SCARAMOUCHE IS JUST LIKE DIE. Sweet, sweet Akira who doesn't deserve any of this at all.
He inches his fingers a little more, though. Reaching for Akira's hand properly. He's been very gentle the whole time, not at all like the absolute flurry of rabid energy he'd launched earlier.]
Will saying things like this ease your burden of guilt?
[He and Ryo really are just the same fucking person. Incredible. Down to how they're more concerning when they aren't feral - when they're calm, when they're smiling.
There's something in his expression that shifts a little as Akira speaks, but he reaches out to take the hand that's offered regardless. His grip, as with everything else so far, is incredibly gentle.]
I don't want it.
[He doesn't want to hear words that would have probably soothed him hundreds of years ago. All they do now is chafe him, make him feel irritated, exposed.]
I want you to learn that I'm right. That we are right.
[YEAH HE IS HE'S GOING TO AND HE DID!!! He went out of his way to torment Akira and he's still out here holding fast, though. Honestly, it makes him bitter! And angry!! It makes him want to break things again, which is an intimately familiar feeling to him by now.
But more than anything, he's just tired and disgusted.]
I can't do anything for you.
[CAN'T ARGUE WITH CRAZY!!!!
Not that he was ever doing this for Akira's sake anyway, though, no matter how he likes to dress things up in speech.]
[Scaramouche truly is like Ryo. He wants to help them, but he can't get through to them any more than they can get through to him.
Carefully, he pulls his hand away, but then threads his arms around the bars so he can wrap them--or try--around Scaramouche's neck and shoulders, to hug him.]
You've already done what you could for me. Now, I'm gonna try to do something for you. If I can, I'm gonna. I promise.
[Sometimes you're just beings that exist on two different wavelengths entirely.
In any case, Scaramouche does tense significantly when Akira does this. But he'd used up most of his energy in his frenzied, feral fighting earlier, and now he's just tired.]
You won't be able to, and I don't want you to. I won't owe any of you anything. This is the last of it - I'm done.
[Except he's not DONE BECAUSE HE HAS A FUCKING ETERNITY TO BE DOWN HERE but it's fine, it's fine.]
My only regret is not taking your tongue out for using that name.
[STOP COMING OUT HERE TO SHOOT ME DURING EXECUTION.
Scaramouche must suffer because Akira doesn't let go. He doesn't squeeze him, the hold is light, but it doesn't leave.]
I'd never make you owe me anything.
[FIRST of all, to make that clear. Second of all, there is a frown in his quieter voice the next time.]
Sorry. It... reminded me of Ryo. I never wanted to call him Satan. He was always Ryo to me. Ryo... is the name of the new life he had been given. I wish... he had stayed Ryo rather than become Satan again. Maybe he wouldn't fail. Maybe he would. He keeps falling back into the person he once was. He won't let it let him go.
He hates this here. Why is Akira so nice. Honestly he's gonna fucking die. He really does hate it here. He thinks about how badly he hopes it isn't Akira's hand that he falls to, tomorrow, if he's allowed even one single thing out of all of this.
There's something bitter in the laugh that follows, more prominent than anything else.]
People can't just let go of these things.
[Which is the ugliest truth that he's said, possibly ever, because it's true for him too, and he barely even recognizes it as such.]
[starts spraying you with water to prepare you to be rat pea'd ALSO DON'T JUST USE THIS ICON WTF
Well, this is actually a sentiment he does understand in a way. He told someone something very similar to this a few weeks ago. His arms draw away from Scaramouche and back through the bars.
Maybe Scaramouche is right. It isn't as if this week wouldn't make himself say otherwise.]
Even if it means losing what he is trying to protect every time?
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...To prove you were right.
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To me, what I did was just a little experiment into human nature. But for you, it should be taken to heart as an important lesson.
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[Why did he get thrown under the bus just for the point??? Help him.]
I'm not like them. I don't... want to be like them. You... remind me so much of Ryo. I just... wanted to help you.
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And yet, you made your decision. It's not a surprising one to me, of course! Humans will be humans no matter where you go.
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I wish you hadn't hurt Chandra, but... you're still... You're still my friend. [COULD THEY EVEN BE FRIENDS? Scaramouche was never in the room. It's fine.] And if there's a way to somehow get you a second chance...
I want you to have it.
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Second chances don't happen, and I would kill Chandra again, so don't think me an ounce apologetic or "worthy" of anything so ridiculous.
[He will stand up from his spot on the floor, though! And move over to the bars separating the two of them. Wordlessly, he'll slip his hand through the bar, holding it out toward Akira, palm up.]
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[His eyes drop to the hand as it comes out of the bars. He does hesitate. He isn't really worried about being hurt--physically. Slowly, he moves to the bars.
Like before, he isn't sure if Scaramouche wants him to touch, so he simply files in reach of the hand, letting it come against one arm.]
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I find Chandra very tolerable.
[But he is a fickle creature of fickle whims and insane logic, as you do.]
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He hates noticing the skin after being forced to feel the hair.]
I'm not going to tomorrow. I don't want to do that to you.
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You'll be one of the few who would actually honor my wishes. But I want you to remember that your hands still brought me there.
[Why is he SO UNFAIR AND MEAN TO AKIRA SPECIFICALLY.]
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You're making me do it anyway.
[It isn't a question.]
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What, making you attend? It's up to you. I'd prefer not to be witnessed, in fact.
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No... Making me get rid of you.
[He wonders if he will run out, though. Maybe he will.]
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Anyway, he moves his synthetic puppet hand down Akira's arm a little, heading toward his wrist so he can tap the bone there.]
I left the choice in your hands, Akira. Consider it a gift.
[(scaramouche voice) gifts can be bad actually]
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His brows knot together. The fingers under the hand curl into a fist even against the sting of pain on the palm.]
…Thank you for existing.
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He inches his fingers a little more, though. Reaching for Akira's hand properly. He's been very gentle the whole time, not at all like the absolute flurry of rabid energy he'd launched earlier.]
Will saying things like this ease your burden of guilt?
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The fingers slowly loosen and unfurl, opening his hand for taking.]
No. I just didn’t know if anyone ever told you, but thought you should hear it.
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There's something in his expression that shifts a little as Akira speaks, but he reaches out to take the hand that's offered regardless. His grip, as with everything else so far, is incredibly gentle.]
I don't want it.
[He doesn't want to hear words that would have probably soothed him hundreds of years ago. All they do now is chafe him, make him feel irritated, exposed.]
I want you to learn that I'm right. That we are right.
[Invoking RYO'S NAME IN THIS CHILI'S.]
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The hand Scaramouche takes is faintly quivering, though it’s difficult to tell what from. Whether it’s sadness, or anger, or fear.]
Just like you’d always kill Chandra, I would always try saving the humans. Even if they took Miki from me, even if they took her parents from her.
I’d save the humans every time because some of them gave me something more important than anything else: love. They loved me.
And I loved them back.
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But more than anything, he's just tired and disgusted.]
I can't do anything for you.
[CAN'T ARGUE WITH CRAZY!!!!
Not that he was ever doing this for Akira's sake anyway, though, no matter how he likes to dress things up in speech.]
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Carefully, he pulls his hand away, but then threads his arms around the bars so he can wrap them--or try--around Scaramouche's neck and shoulders, to hug him.]
You've already done what you could for me. Now, I'm gonna try to do something for you. If I can, I'm gonna. I promise.
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In any case, Scaramouche does tense significantly when Akira does this. But he'd used up most of his energy in his frenzied, feral fighting earlier, and now he's just tired.]
You won't be able to, and I don't want you to. I won't owe any of you anything. This is the last of it - I'm done.
[Except he's not DONE BECAUSE HE HAS A FUCKING ETERNITY TO BE DOWN HERE but it's fine, it's fine.]
My only regret is not taking your tongue out for using that name.
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Scaramouche must suffer because Akira doesn't let go. He doesn't squeeze him, the hold is light, but it doesn't leave.]
I'd never make you owe me anything.
[FIRST of all, to make that clear. Second of all, there is a frown in his quieter voice the next time.]
Sorry. It... reminded me of Ryo. I never wanted to call him Satan. He was always Ryo to me. Ryo... is the name of the new life he had been given. I wish... he had stayed Ryo rather than become Satan again. Maybe he wouldn't fail. Maybe he would. He keeps falling back into the person he once was. He won't let it let him go.
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He hates this here. Why is Akira so nice. Honestly he's gonna fucking die. He really does hate it here. He thinks about how badly he hopes it isn't Akira's hand that he falls to, tomorrow, if he's allowed even one single thing out of all of this.
There's something bitter in the laugh that follows, more prominent than anything else.]
People can't just let go of these things.
[Which is the ugliest truth that he's said, possibly ever, because it's true for him too, and he barely even recognizes it as such.]
Let him be what he will.
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Well, this is actually a sentiment he does understand in a way. He told someone something very similar to this a few weeks ago. His arms draw away from Scaramouche and back through the bars.
Maybe Scaramouche is right. It isn't as if this week wouldn't make himself say otherwise.]
Even if it means losing what he is trying to protect every time?
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