[Don't just say Chandra was very tolerable after murdering him... He hates it here... And yes, he stands right there even after Scaramouche bit him like a rabid opossum with eyes shining in the darkness.
He hates noticing the skin after being forced to feel the hair.]
I'm not going to tomorrow. I don't want to do that to you.
[STOP TALKING. Oh, he hates it here. The words sting, and his jaw clenches. But his lips frown. AKIRA IS ALREADY DEAD, WHY IS HE STILL PULLING THE TRIGGER???]
[HE REALLY IS TRYING TO BE NICE AND SCARAMOUCHE IS JUST LIKE DIE. Sweet, sweet Akira who doesn't deserve any of this at all.
He inches his fingers a little more, though. Reaching for Akira's hand properly. He's been very gentle the whole time, not at all like the absolute flurry of rabid energy he'd launched earlier.]
Will saying things like this ease your burden of guilt?
[He and Ryo really are just the same fucking person. Incredible. Down to how they're more concerning when they aren't feral - when they're calm, when they're smiling.
There's something in his expression that shifts a little as Akira speaks, but he reaches out to take the hand that's offered regardless. His grip, as with everything else so far, is incredibly gentle.]
I don't want it.
[He doesn't want to hear words that would have probably soothed him hundreds of years ago. All they do now is chafe him, make him feel irritated, exposed.]
I want you to learn that I'm right. That we are right.
[YEAH HE IS HE'S GOING TO AND HE DID!!! He went out of his way to torment Akira and he's still out here holding fast, though. Honestly, it makes him bitter! And angry!! It makes him want to break things again, which is an intimately familiar feeling to him by now.
But more than anything, he's just tired and disgusted.]
I can't do anything for you.
[CAN'T ARGUE WITH CRAZY!!!!
Not that he was ever doing this for Akira's sake anyway, though, no matter how he likes to dress things up in speech.]
[Scaramouche truly is like Ryo. He wants to help them, but he can't get through to them any more than they can get through to him.
Carefully, he pulls his hand away, but then threads his arms around the bars so he can wrap them--or try--around Scaramouche's neck and shoulders, to hug him.]
You've already done what you could for me. Now, I'm gonna try to do something for you. If I can, I'm gonna. I promise.
[Sometimes you're just beings that exist on two different wavelengths entirely.
In any case, Scaramouche does tense significantly when Akira does this. But he'd used up most of his energy in his frenzied, feral fighting earlier, and now he's just tired.]
You won't be able to, and I don't want you to. I won't owe any of you anything. This is the last of it - I'm done.
[Except he's not DONE BECAUSE HE HAS A FUCKING ETERNITY TO BE DOWN HERE but it's fine, it's fine.]
My only regret is not taking your tongue out for using that name.
[STOP COMING OUT HERE TO SHOOT ME DURING EXECUTION.
Scaramouche must suffer because Akira doesn't let go. He doesn't squeeze him, the hold is light, but it doesn't leave.]
I'd never make you owe me anything.
[FIRST of all, to make that clear. Second of all, there is a frown in his quieter voice the next time.]
Sorry. It... reminded me of Ryo. I never wanted to call him Satan. He was always Ryo to me. Ryo... is the name of the new life he had been given. I wish... he had stayed Ryo rather than become Satan again. Maybe he wouldn't fail. Maybe he would. He keeps falling back into the person he once was. He won't let it let him go.
He hates this here. Why is Akira so nice. Honestly he's gonna fucking die. He really does hate it here. He thinks about how badly he hopes it isn't Akira's hand that he falls to, tomorrow, if he's allowed even one single thing out of all of this.
There's something bitter in the laugh that follows, more prominent than anything else.]
People can't just let go of these things.
[Which is the ugliest truth that he's said, possibly ever, because it's true for him too, and he barely even recognizes it as such.]
[starts spraying you with water to prepare you to be rat pea'd ALSO DON'T JUST USE THIS ICON WTF
Well, this is actually a sentiment he does understand in a way. He told someone something very similar to this a few weeks ago. His arms draw away from Scaramouche and back through the bars.
Maybe Scaramouche is right. It isn't as if this week wouldn't make himself say otherwise.]
Even if it means losing what he is trying to protect every time?
And you can't force someone to see that you're right when they think you're wrong.
[A pointed look, then. He'd really - at least in part - decided to throw his last chance on Akira just to prove that he was correct, but even then, all he could do was provide a little extra torment. You know, as a treat.]
If he loses things along the way, then that's just the path he walks.
Don't look at him like that. He is just a mirror, reflecting back at Scaramouche exactly what Scaramouche is trying to accuse him of. He hates this advice. But he also hates the lack of choice he's being given by either of them.]
You and Ryo don't have to lose things. When will you both... be satisfied with not losing anything?
They really are both so cruel to this man though, wow. And for what! Truly for nothing!! But there's something about Akira - how he behaves, how he thinks, what he stands for - that really does rile him to his core.]
Don't ask questions that you know the answer to. It's annoying.
[He'll try to step back after that, moving away from the light embrace. He's too tired.]
[Scaramouche can pull back. Akira won't trap him like earlier in the day. Love that he is completely unaware he riles Scaramouche up so badly simply by being himself.
It'll be like Ryo then. There isn't any hope in helping Scaramouche, just like there isn't any hope in helping Ryo. Somehow, this week makes him feel extra worthless in his failure for the two of them.]
[Freedom... from the hug but not from Akira's cursed core, which haunts him!!!
But it's fine. He's terrible, so he'd feel even more satisfied if he knew that Akira felt worthless in this moment!! But even without knowing the depth of what he's feeling, he at least knows - if not from now, then from how Akira reacted in trial - that what he's done has inflicted some damage. For a creation that only wants to break what's around it, that's satisfying enough.
There's a little displeased curl of his lip at that, though.]
Shut up. I'll do whatever it is that I feel like doing.
[Why is his little skrunkly roomie so mean to him... (crying cat emote) This really does sting him to his core, especially this week. It reminds him... of dropping down in front of the humans torturing the ones they had strung up on poles and crosses because they all thought those humans were demons.
How he desperately tried to get them to be nice to each other, how he tried to convince them not to hate and fear.]
Okay.
[This week is too much hell to argue, not when he doubts himself so much already. Scaramouche, another tick box in his long list of people he couldn't help or save.
He draws away, arms at his sides, and turns around to just leave.]
[STOP NOT THE AKIRA CAT HELP ME he really is coming after Akira on this the week of insecurities, damn.
Unfortunately, he takes this as a victory of sorts for himself. Though he may not have convinced Akira of his own perspective, he's the sort of wretched existence that's satisfied enough just tearing down what's around him. There aren't any doubts in his mind that a person like this in particular will recover - later rather than sooner, if he has any luck - but for now? This is enough to soothe him, just a little. Knowing that other people are hurting is one of the only things that seems to placate the gnawing fury inside him, where a heart should be.
When Akira turns to leave, he turns away from the bars and goes back to his seat on the floor across from them. He has nothing left to say - to anyone, really, and not just the one before him currently. He hasn't had anything to say to any of them for days.
But he knows he can't shake their company. For now, he'll just take the spiteful, bitter glee that he can wring out of seeing Akira leave this place a failure and find his twisted peace in it.]
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He hates noticing the skin after being forced to feel the hair.]
I'm not going to tomorrow. I don't want to do that to you.
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You'll be one of the few who would actually honor my wishes. But I want you to remember that your hands still brought me there.
[Why is he SO UNFAIR AND MEAN TO AKIRA SPECIFICALLY.]
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You're making me do it anyway.
[It isn't a question.]
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What, making you attend? It's up to you. I'd prefer not to be witnessed, in fact.
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No... Making me get rid of you.
[He wonders if he will run out, though. Maybe he will.]
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Anyway, he moves his synthetic puppet hand down Akira's arm a little, heading toward his wrist so he can tap the bone there.]
I left the choice in your hands, Akira. Consider it a gift.
[(scaramouche voice) gifts can be bad actually]
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His brows knot together. The fingers under the hand curl into a fist even against the sting of pain on the palm.]
…Thank you for existing.
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He inches his fingers a little more, though. Reaching for Akira's hand properly. He's been very gentle the whole time, not at all like the absolute flurry of rabid energy he'd launched earlier.]
Will saying things like this ease your burden of guilt?
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The fingers slowly loosen and unfurl, opening his hand for taking.]
No. I just didn’t know if anyone ever told you, but thought you should hear it.
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There's something in his expression that shifts a little as Akira speaks, but he reaches out to take the hand that's offered regardless. His grip, as with everything else so far, is incredibly gentle.]
I don't want it.
[He doesn't want to hear words that would have probably soothed him hundreds of years ago. All they do now is chafe him, make him feel irritated, exposed.]
I want you to learn that I'm right. That we are right.
[Invoking RYO'S NAME IN THIS CHILI'S.]
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The hand Scaramouche takes is faintly quivering, though it’s difficult to tell what from. Whether it’s sadness, or anger, or fear.]
Just like you’d always kill Chandra, I would always try saving the humans. Even if they took Miki from me, even if they took her parents from her.
I’d save the humans every time because some of them gave me something more important than anything else: love. They loved me.
And I loved them back.
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But more than anything, he's just tired and disgusted.]
I can't do anything for you.
[CAN'T ARGUE WITH CRAZY!!!!
Not that he was ever doing this for Akira's sake anyway, though, no matter how he likes to dress things up in speech.]
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Carefully, he pulls his hand away, but then threads his arms around the bars so he can wrap them--or try--around Scaramouche's neck and shoulders, to hug him.]
You've already done what you could for me. Now, I'm gonna try to do something for you. If I can, I'm gonna. I promise.
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In any case, Scaramouche does tense significantly when Akira does this. But he'd used up most of his energy in his frenzied, feral fighting earlier, and now he's just tired.]
You won't be able to, and I don't want you to. I won't owe any of you anything. This is the last of it - I'm done.
[Except he's not DONE BECAUSE HE HAS A FUCKING ETERNITY TO BE DOWN HERE but it's fine, it's fine.]
My only regret is not taking your tongue out for using that name.
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Scaramouche must suffer because Akira doesn't let go. He doesn't squeeze him, the hold is light, but it doesn't leave.]
I'd never make you owe me anything.
[FIRST of all, to make that clear. Second of all, there is a frown in his quieter voice the next time.]
Sorry. It... reminded me of Ryo. I never wanted to call him Satan. He was always Ryo to me. Ryo... is the name of the new life he had been given. I wish... he had stayed Ryo rather than become Satan again. Maybe he wouldn't fail. Maybe he would. He keeps falling back into the person he once was. He won't let it let him go.
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He hates this here. Why is Akira so nice. Honestly he's gonna fucking die. He really does hate it here. He thinks about how badly he hopes it isn't Akira's hand that he falls to, tomorrow, if he's allowed even one single thing out of all of this.
There's something bitter in the laugh that follows, more prominent than anything else.]
People can't just let go of these things.
[Which is the ugliest truth that he's said, possibly ever, because it's true for him too, and he barely even recognizes it as such.]
Let him be what he will.
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Well, this is actually a sentiment he does understand in a way. He told someone something very similar to this a few weeks ago. His arms draw away from Scaramouche and back through the bars.
Maybe Scaramouche is right. It isn't as if this week wouldn't make himself say otherwise.]
Even if it means losing what he is trying to protect every time?
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[Another truth.]
And you can't force someone to see that you're right when they think you're wrong.
[A pointed look, then. He'd really - at least in part - decided to throw his last chance on Akira just to prove that he was correct, but even then, all he could do was provide a little extra torment. You know, as a treat.]
If he loses things along the way, then that's just the path he walks.
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Don't look at him like that. He is just a mirror, reflecting back at Scaramouche exactly what Scaramouche is trying to accuse him of. He hates this advice. But he also hates the lack of choice he's being given by either of them.]
You and Ryo don't have to lose things. When will you both... be satisfied with not losing anything?
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They really are both so cruel to this man though, wow. And for what! Truly for nothing!! But there's something about Akira - how he behaves, how he thinks, what he stands for - that really does rile him to his core.]
Don't ask questions that you know the answer to. It's annoying.
[He'll try to step back after that, moving away from the light embrace. He's too tired.]
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It'll be like Ryo then. There isn't any hope in helping Scaramouche, just like there isn't any hope in helping Ryo. Somehow, this week makes him feel extra worthless in his failure for the two of them.]
Don't give up.
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But it's fine. He's terrible, so he'd feel even more satisfied if he knew that Akira felt worthless in this moment!! But even without knowing the depth of what he's feeling, he at least knows - if not from now, then from how Akira reacted in trial - that what he's done has inflicted some damage. For a creation that only wants to break what's around it, that's satisfying enough.
There's a little displeased curl of his lip at that, though.]
Shut up. I'll do whatever it is that I feel like doing.
[EVEN IF IT'S MURDERING CHANDRA.]
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How he desperately tried to get them to be nice to each other, how he tried to convince them not to hate and fear.]
Okay.
[This week is too much hell to argue, not when he doubts himself so much already. Scaramouche, another tick box in his long list of people he couldn't help or save.
He draws away, arms at his sides, and turns around to just leave.]
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Unfortunately, he takes this as a victory of sorts for himself. Though he may not have convinced Akira of his own perspective, he's the sort of wretched existence that's satisfied enough just tearing down what's around him. There aren't any doubts in his mind that a person like this in particular will recover - later rather than sooner, if he has any luck - but for now? This is enough to soothe him, just a little. Knowing that other people are hurting is one of the only things that seems to placate the gnawing fury inside him, where a heart should be.
When Akira turns to leave, he turns away from the bars and goes back to his seat on the floor across from them. He has nothing left to say - to anyone, really, and not just the one before him currently. He hasn't had anything to say to any of them for days.
But he knows he can't shake their company. For now, he'll just take the spiteful, bitter glee that he can wring out of seeing Akira leave this place a failure and find his twisted peace in it.]
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