[He kneels there while this lil gnome pea man stands on his back and thinks about how to obtain and devour an overly large tomato. DON'T JUST PUT THE WHOLE HAND IN.]
If we find something sharp, I can probably climb up and cut it down.
[He's really doing this for a guy who told him humanity was garbage.]
[Scaramouche has a point, he GUESSES. He turns and glances up at the large tomato, shielding his eyes with his hand. This is stupid. He's just going to ignore getting anything and
fling himself at the tomato plant, beginning to attempt to scale it up.]
Anyway he's. He's just watching this happen. He isn't offering to help... Even on this the week of mass depression he's still a little shit. Just crossing his arms and observing!!]
How are you planning on getting it down after you reach it?
[DON'T. My God. I wish Akira cared more about how stupid sticking a whole hand inside of a tomato is, but he doesn't. He thinks it's fine. No big deal. He'd stick his hand in too. He will probably.]
I don't know. Like on a hamburger or in a salad or something. Pizza?
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Hm. Well, I was going to try cutting a piece from the bottom, but if neither of us have anything sharp to use...
[Maybe he can just stick his hand in there?? He's considering it.]
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If we find something sharp, I can probably climb up and cut it down.
[He's really doing this for a guy who told him humanity was garbage.]
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Good idea. [At least he will hop off of Akira's back, then!] If nothing else, I'm sure one of the kitchens here has a knife we could take.
[A GIANT KNIFE.]
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HOW ARE EITHER OF THEM GONNA CARRY A KNIFE BIG ENOUGH TO DO THAT.]
I think I saw some nearby, but I can’t lift it myself.
[His… back… It cracks as he starts getting up. Ow.]
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If you can't even lift it yourself, how are you planning on using it to cut the tomato?
[WHY DIDN'T HE THINK OF THIS BEFORE SUGGESTING IT.]
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Mmmmmg.
[Scaramouche has a point, he GUESSES. He turns and glances up at the large tomato, shielding his eyes with his hand. This is stupid. He's just going to ignore getting anything and
fling himself at the tomato plant, beginning to attempt to scale it up.]
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Anyway he's. He's just watching this happen. He isn't offering to help... Even on this the week of mass depression he's still a little shit. Just crossing his arms and observing!!]
How are you planning on getting it down after you reach it?
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Which is, once he is up the plant on top of the tomato, he grapples the stem and starts attacking it with his teeth viciously.]
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There's no way you can chew through that entire thing.
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he actually gets through most of the stem before the weight of the tomato helps break it the rest of the way and it falls.
His face is smattered green when he is finished.]
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[YA FUCKIN WEIRDO!!!!! But he will move over to approach the tomato after that, reaching out to pat its tomato-y side.]
Good work.
[A RARE WORD OF... g...gratitude ish...]
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[I just realized that technically when the tomato fell, the vine probably would have slung him away into the sunset which is funny.
Instead, he drops down on top of the tomato, hits it, and ricochets off onto his face on the ground.]
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Well. He just watches this happen and then steps around Akira to get at the other side of the tomato. He just fucking sticks his hand in anyway.]
You can have some, if you want.
[Like he's doing a Very Big Kindness by making this offer.]
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Shouldn't you eat it with something else...?
[This is fine. He will get up and dust his ass off as he wanders over to Scaramouche and the hole side of the tomato.]
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Like what? A fresh fruit or vegetable on its own is fine.
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I don't know. Like on a hamburger or in a salad or something. Pizza?
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Just enjoy the tomato on its own, stop throwing things onto hamburgers.