this matters. it's the gesture, that matters. he takes the pain killers and he just - he smiles, soft and very touched by this act of kindness, after such a shitty, awful, terrible week, curling his hands around them. ]
[His voice is a croak, and it looks like he has been crying, but ignore that. He's not okay, but none of them are okay, and maybe none of them will be okay.
He bends a little, and the kit slides out of his hand to the floor. He gets closer; both arms come out to slowly encircle Lu Bixing's shoulders and neck.]
he's - is he? lu bixing's not even sure. has he been crying? he can't really remember. it's been such a long, horrible week, but he's usually good about hiding it, but there's just. there's something about the way akira croaks and hugs him that just breaks his heart.
he shifts, lifting his uninjured arm, and pulls him in to give him a hug back. hugging akira makes him want to cry, actually, makes him have to take in a deep breath to keep anything from spilling out of his good eye.
very, very quietly, he jokes: ] Did you bring me tissues, instead, this time...?
[Akira is careful, like he thinks he will break even a grown man like Lu Bixing.
The thing about Akira is... he is never crying for himself. When people get hurt, when people die. When other people also cry. He cries about those times, too. But most of all, he cries for the people who can't or won't shed a single tear for whatever reason. The people who bottle it up, it suffocates him, strangles him. He cries in their place.
The tears spill over his eyes, but he doesn't sob.]
It'll be okay, [he says in earnest reassurance.] It's going to be okay.
[ he'd be deadon correct in that lu bixing is not crying. he doesn't really - he can't. for the sake of the people around him, for the sake of the entire eighth galaxy, he just can't. he can't allow himself a single second to slow down, like a rocket fired straight from the ground into the heavens, because if he slows his velocity, then the entire world will catch up. the weight of his sadness is so massive that he has to dance out of the way of it, has to set it to the side.
seventeen years of grieving in silence is a habit that's hard to break.
... still. one of the things that helped, that he watched like it was in the other room, was the presence of kids like akira. who broke into his house, almost literally, and made him coffee and did a piss-poor job at attempting to solve the mathematical necessities and technical equations that lu bixing had been poring over, and he feels that sensation again, here. like he's disassociated out of his body, while someone brings him a kindness, like he has to process it like a robot before he can even begin to process it emotionally.
... his fingers curl a little, and he rubs akira's back. ]
It will be. [ it will be.
it really can't be worse. (he's relived their little adventure on thursday a thousand times.) ] Thank you. [ softly, and - very genuine, maybe a little more fragile. ] Thank you, Akira.
[It can't be worse when it's already the worst it can be. Akira knows this from experience.
But it's fine.]
Yeah.
[His arms squeeze Lu Bixing's neck and shoulders very gently, and then he draws himself away. With the back of his hand, he swipes at his eyes. There's no shame for the tears at all, but he doesn't want his face to be wet.]
I have more stuff if you need it. [He gestures at the kit.] I've mostly been giving it to Ryo.
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no subject
this matters. it's the gesture, that matters. he takes the pain killers and he just - he smiles, soft and very touched by this act of kindness, after such a shitty, awful, terrible week, curling his hands around them. ]
...Thank you. [ genuine, gentle. ] Are you okay?
[ he has no idea who left and who didnt ]
no subject
[His voice is a croak, and it looks like he has been crying, but ignore that. He's not okay, but none of them are okay, and maybe none of them will be okay.
He bends a little, and the kit slides out of his hand to the floor. He gets closer; both arms come out to slowly encircle Lu Bixing's shoulders and neck.]
You're crying.
[Hug.]
no subject
he's - is he? lu bixing's not even sure. has he been crying? he can't really remember. it's been such a long, horrible week, but he's usually good about hiding it, but there's just. there's something about the way akira croaks and hugs him that just breaks his heart.
he shifts, lifting his uninjured arm, and pulls him in to give him a hug back. hugging akira makes him want to cry, actually, makes him have to take in a deep breath to keep anything from spilling out of his good eye.
very, very quietly, he jokes: ] Did you bring me tissues, instead, this time...?
no subject
The thing about Akira is... he is never crying for himself. When people get hurt, when people die. When other people also cry. He cries about those times, too. But most of all, he cries for the people who can't or won't shed a single tear for whatever reason. The people who bottle it up, it suffocates him, strangles him. He cries in their place.
The tears spill over his eyes, but he doesn't sob.]
It'll be okay, [he says in earnest reassurance.] It's going to be okay.
no subject
seventeen years of grieving in silence is a habit that's hard to break.
... still. one of the things that helped, that he watched like it was in the other room, was the presence of kids like akira. who broke into his house, almost literally, and made him coffee and did a piss-poor job at attempting to solve the mathematical necessities and technical equations that lu bixing had been poring over, and he feels that sensation again, here. like he's disassociated out of his body, while someone brings him a kindness, like he has to process it like a robot before he can even begin to process it emotionally.
... his fingers curl a little, and he rubs akira's back. ]
It will be. [ it will be.
it really can't be worse. (he's relived their little adventure on thursday a thousand times.) ] Thank you. [ softly, and - very genuine, maybe a little more fragile. ] Thank you, Akira.
no subject
But it's fine.]
Yeah.
[His arms squeeze Lu Bixing's neck and shoulders very gently, and then he draws himself away. With the back of his hand, he swipes at his eyes. There's no shame for the tears at all, but he doesn't want his face to be wet.]
I have more stuff if you need it. [He gestures at the kit.] I've mostly been giving it to Ryo.