[the stupid thing is if it'd been harrow - it would've hurt, but she's not unused to it. fighting harrow is another tuesday, and while she would've held onto that for a long time, that harrow wasn't real. she wasn't there.
thancred was, though. she has to pick up the pieces, after. the place made her, just like ryo and akira, and she swallows hard, again.]
[This doesn't surprise him. Honestly, he'd probably have done the same. He did do the same, in a way. They weren't throwing physical violence, but they were throwing emotional ones.]
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thancred was, though. she has to pick up the pieces, after. the place made her, just like ryo and akira, and she swallows hard, again.]
I stopped myself.
[she says, finally, tense.]
I wouldn't kill him.
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That's okay. I don't blame you.
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... I wish you would.
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Don't say that. I'm not blaming you. If I blame you, I might as well blame myself.
[But he does. He does A Lot.]
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I don't want you to have to stop yourself either.
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I've already been there, Gideon. I've already not been able to stop myself before. And I killed a bunch of humans when I didn't.
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That's not... [and then she gives up. she just grunts.]
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Don’t blame yourself for not wanting to hurt someone else.
[He rests a hand on her shoulder carefully.]